ASE Labs: Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris

ZSupra1221

Metal Gear Substance Joined: November 4, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 199 Rep:

Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris

Wed Nov 8, 2006 2:41:20 PM #26750 Perm Link

Who would win?

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else"

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

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ZSupra1221

Metal Gear Substance Joined: November 4, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 199 Rep:

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Wed Nov 8, 2006 2:42:17 PM #26751 Perm Link

JACK BAUER!

1)Don't even ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...
2)Jack Bauer once got a taped confession from a mute.
3)Jack Bauer Knows Exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
4)When someone sneezes, it is only polite to say, "Jack Bauer bless you".
5)Jack Bauer's resume simply reads, "Jack Bauer".
6)If everyone at CTU listened to Jack Bauer, it wouldn't be 24...it would be 12.
7)Jack Bauer gets McDonalds breakfest at 10:30am.
8)Jack Bauer found Waldo and killed him.
9)The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
10)Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
11)Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
12)Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
13)Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
14)ack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
15)When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
16)Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
17)It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
18)Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
19)Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
20)If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
21)Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
22)In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
23)Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
24)Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else"

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

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Tornado

Retro Grade Joined: August 16, 2003 Status: Offline Posts: 2958 Rep:

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Wed Nov 8, 2006 2:48:36 PM #26756 Perm Link

Laurence Tureaud kicks both of their asses.

Michael: Jodie, how's my schedule look for today?
Jodie: You've got a conference and dinner party at the Japanese Embassy regarding wildlife protection.
Michael: Oh, yeah...sorry, but I'll have to cancel that. I'm heading out to save America!

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ZSupra1221

Metal Gear Substance Joined: November 4, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 199 Rep:

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Wed Nov 8, 2006 2:50:24 PM #26757 Perm Link

Laurence Tureaud is not a choice tho. Jack or Chuck?

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else"

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

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Aron Schatz

2014: Year of change. Joined: August 3, 2001 Status: Offline Posts: 10753 Rep:

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Wed Nov 8, 2006 3:52:11 PM #26766 Perm Link

They both suck.

Bauer would lose because he screams all the time.

2014 is going to be a good year. More content, more streamlining. Be a part of history!

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Tornado

Retro Grade Joined: August 16, 2003 Status: Offline Posts: 2958 Rep:

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Wed Nov 15, 2006 7:45:50 PM #27938 Perm Link

In response to ZSupra1221 #26757

Said By ZSupra1221
Laurence Tureaud is not a choice tho. Jack or Chuck?

Did you look up who Laurence Tureaud is? If you did you would know that he would win.

Michael: Jodie, how's my schedule look for today?
Jodie: You've got a conference and dinner party at the Japanese Embassy regarding wildlife protection.
Michael: Oh, yeah...sorry, but I'll have to cancel that. I'm heading out to save America!

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Haggard

Joined: March 25, 2003 Status: Offline Posts: 1378 Rep:

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Thu Nov 16, 2006 6:26:09 AM #28037 Perm Link

In response to Tornado #27938

Jack Bauer. No more needs to be said.

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Carman910

Joined: November 13, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 79 Rep:

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Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:37:21 AM #28053 Perm Link

In response to Haggard #28037

Chuck Norris easily. I mean He did walker texas ranger and he fricking almost owned bruce Lee in Return of the Dragon

My friend Dicer-

Death has a thousand different Faces. Evil only has one.

Even some of the next gens can't beat the originals. (N64, snes, nintendo.)

My Clan!!!

Edited smaller pic to come soon!

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Meeez. Joined: November 15, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 134 Rep:

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Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:54:18 AM #29829 Perm Link

In response to Carman910 #28053

ima have to say Jack just b/c hes like a feild opt and he uses guns :-P chuck would come up to kick jack and then jack would just shoot him. end of story.

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Aron Schatz

2014: Year of change. Joined: August 3, 2001 Status: Offline Posts: 10753 Rep:

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Sun Dec 10, 2006 7:34:14 AM #29832 Perm Link

In response to Meeez. #29829

This was also done in India Jones.

2014 is going to be a good year. More content, more streamlining. Be a part of history!

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daemon

Giggity Giggity Gee Joined: November 11, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 465 Rep:

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Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:04:39 PM #29847 Perm Link

Yeah but Chuck Norris would do some wicked round house kicks to knock the gun out of Jack Bauer's hand then then do some badass flips like he is on crack. Chuck Norris is just too badass.

Guns don\'t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

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Meeez. Joined: November 15, 2006 Status: Offline Posts: 134 Rep:

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Mon Dec 18, 2006 9:54:19 PM #30227 Perm Link

In response to daemon #29847

haha seriouslly a roundhouse kick isn't as fast as the pull of a trigger

i mean seriouslly cmon'

theres no way that som1 can do a round house kick before anyone could pull a triger thats aimed towards you

it's just not humanilly possible

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SHCaseRtoZ

I don't quote Joined: September 2, 2005 Status: Offline Posts: 1189 Rep:

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Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:45:25 PM #30351 Perm Link

I can't believe this topic is still active.

-SHCase

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Tornado

Retro Grade Joined: August 16, 2003 Status: Offline Posts: 2958 Rep:

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Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:29:25 PM #30356 Perm Link

In response to Meeez. #30227

Said By Meeez.
haha seriouslly a roundhouse kick isn't as fast as the pull of a trigger

i mean seriouslly cmon'

theres no way that som1 can do a round house kick before anyone could pull a triger thats aimed towards you

it's just not humanilly possible

Bulletproof Monk? The Matrix?

Michael: Jodie, how's my schedule look for today?
Jodie: You've got a conference and dinner party at the Japanese Embassy regarding wildlife protection.
Michael: Oh, yeah...sorry, but I'll have to cancel that. I'm heading out to save America!

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Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris

Said By ZSupra1221

Said By Meeez.

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